Category: Uncategorized
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L
L- is for Lost. Sometimes depression can come from a series of losses or a long period of being lost. It is the accumulation of confusing moments and eventual succumbing to fear. It is a crushing squeezing out of breath and feeling. I don’t feel myself when I am lost. I feel like I am…
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Letter K
K- is for knowing. In Hebrew the word, yada, means to know, to have a personal and intimate relationship. Yes, this is yada as in “yada, yada, yada” like in the Seinfeld joke. Here is the link if you have to get it out of your system:https://youtu.be/O6kRqnfsBEc who But serious people who know depression know…
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Letter J
J- is for Jail. I recently visited the island of Alcatraz, California, an island only about 1.4 miles from San Francisco. Alcatraz personifies many of the most disturbing aspects of life in jail. It is set apart in treacherous waters, it is a place where little was allowed to grow, surrounded by natural and architectural…
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Letter I
Letter I I is for impediment. An impediment is a physical limitation and in the case of depression, invisible. Depression’s impediment is like a mountain that appears unexpectedly before an explorer a long way from home. It is threatening and appears to be never ending. Impediment is also associated with speech, not being able to…
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Letter H
H Is for help. Help is not wanted when I am depressed. Help seems like the doorway to shame and more pain. Help is what sane people ask for. Help is feared. Real help comes when I least expect it. It is the sleep that has been eluded. It is the appetite that…
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Letter G
G- is for God. When depression strikes God can only be sensed as a memory or concept others feel. In the best moments God can feel like a faraway place. The underlying feeling of hopelessness acts like an airplane in a cloud where there are no instruments to navigate through the storms of grief and…
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Letter F
F- is for Focus. For me focusing is painful when I’m depressed. Focusing takes my attention off of fears and makes me feel vulnerable. It turns me inside out. I am exposed. I am alone. Focusing outside myself is exhausting. I cannot see the world clearly when depressed. F is also for fragile. I am…
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E
E- is for energy. Andrew Solomon writes “The opposite of depression is not happiness but vitality.” Energy leaves you when you are depressed. It is a betrayal, as if the source that created you abandoned you. Lack of energy becomes a crisis because it activates doubt that you exist at all, that there is nothing…
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Damage Control
D – is for damage. Damage is done to relationships when depression enters the picture. Damage is done to trust that has been established with oneself and others. Depression feels like a turning in on oneself, you cannot trust yourself and others stop trusting you. Thinking is skewed and therefore, cannot be available in ways…
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Feeling Rebellious
Good Friday to you! I am not it the mood to share a letter today and it is my website so you get a rambling on Emily Dickenson! In recent days I have been dreaming about Emily Dickenson and I think of her in my meditations. I wrote a poem honoring her a while back…
Water Horse Writing Studio 