Missing

I have seem to have lost my sense of humor. I know it was just here the other day when I found myself laughing with my family over something silly at the dinning room table. I counted a few laugh out loud moments yesterday when I was trying to improve my mood. I take the lack of laughter in my life as a symptom that I am depressed and do not realize it. I have never been able to force myself to laugh at something I do not find funny. Sometimes a coping skill, like forced laughter, does more damage to one’s sense of self than whatever social capital it affords. My attempt to understand depression and it’s relationship to humor is found in my next letter of the ABC’s of Depression, Letter M. I will include a poem about Divine Laughter to help illuminate my ramblings.

M- is for Maya. Maya is a Vedic word that means illusions. Maya is the feeling of not knowing what anything really is. It is the play of gods on our senses. It is often associated with pain of karmic cycles. Our limited view as mortals creates suffering because we cannot see through God’s eyes. We are in a state of constant change and the destruction of time.  We are avoiding who we are and our destiny by trying to preserve our version of ourselves.

The illusion that life is a monster that is devouring us is part of our creative genius as humans but also keeps us from becoming. It is comical in its absurdity.   I find being caught up in divine laughter can release me from self-concern. Laughter is an act of whole body feeling of amusement. Amusement means to pleasantly hold one’s attention. Divine laughter is to have my whole body amused by the blissfulness of God union.

The Dream

Last night I was laughter.

I was being laughed.

The world was light,

and I shook in lightness,

all concern left

and

I was released in perfect happiness.

I had company all around with whom I knew and loved.

I was playful and without thought.

Today I am different from before.

I am dancing with happiness again.

I feel free and life feels easy.

I thought this day would never come.

But it has and I am here different

Grateful Blessed.     

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