Y- is for Yearning. When I am depressed, I feel a type of loneliness that pervades my body and manifests as yearning. A generalized feeling of neediness that is not specific to any one thing, person, or outcome. I just know that I am dangerously low of critical nourishment. Yearning has an urgent quality that can help attune me to Grace. This tuning happens when my ego allows yearning to direct my search for happiness. Yearning comes from the wounds of love; or as David Whyte remarks as the necessary heartbreak of a life well lived. Yearning might be destiny calling me back to the path where I walk with God.
New Love, Old Love
There is a part of me that wants this new love to be everything, to crowd out the world like it did before, to be the black carpet of night sky in which fireworks play.
It was in steamed windows of borrowed cars,
Myopic eroticism fueled by the momentum of stars
And dreams of freedom.
But now everything points to you, the joy of finding new pathways in this orbit we have created, deepened by the fragility of impermanence,
I find myself peacefully lifted and comforted by the pull of possibility.
Our freedom has always been in the choosing, not to stay or to leave,
But to feel and be felt.
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