Water Horse Writing Studio

V -is for Violence. When I am depressed life feels violent. The very act of living is a battle. It takes great strength to breathe, to get out of bed. There are demons in every corner. Overwhelming fear makes me think that it would be easier to let the demons have me. It would be quicker for the demons to have me than fight a losing battle and here is where the violence turns inward. I remember as a small child pretending to be dead, being dead had to be easier than living. The biggest fear was that if God thought I was dead then I would be taken away. I have learned to compromise, to talk to the demons and recognize their primitive desires and negotiate. Here is an example:

Demon: “You are worthless, you should die”

Me: “That doesn’t make sense, I have a good life.”

Demon: “You are not listening to me!”

Me: “Ok, I realize the avoidance of death is not hospitable, maybe there is something I can let die? I can let some beliefs die or stories I tell that keep me from growing and accepting life.”

Demon: “I am glad she took up the sword, the path is clear now, she can move on”