Letter I

I Is For...

Letter I

I is for impediment. An impediment is a physical limitation and in the case of depression, invisible. Depression’s impediment is like a mountain that appears unexpectedly before an explorer a long way from home. It is threatening and appears to be never ending. Impediment is also associated with speech, not being able to form words and therefore cut off from others.  In the Bible God chooses Moses, who has a speech impediment and stutters, to go to the king of Egypt and speak for him and to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. [1]Moses tells God “Oh, Master send somebody else!” The fear of being unworthy overarches wanting to serve God. God gets angry and tells Moses to ask his brother, Aaron the Levite, for help and says, “You’ll speak to him and tell him what to say. I’ll be right there with you as you speak to him and with him as he speaks, teaching you step by step”.[2]

When I was a young girl, I was taken to speech therapy because others struggled to understand the s, r, and the hard g sounds. Therapy felt like banging my head against the wall, I never was able to pronounce the words like the therapist wanted. The therapist acted like she couldn’t understand me even though she knew what words I was trying to say. I absolutely hated it! The worst was when people could not understand my name. “Angie” would come out as “Andy” or “Nancy.” It still happens sometimes, and I feel awash in embarrassment. The only part I liked was that I would get to pick something out of the vending machine, it was the 70’s in rural Indiana, vending machines were exciting. I always got Andy Kapps “hot fries” And if it was the end of series of sessions, I would get lunch at the Penguin Point drive thru. I would be so relieved. This time in my life I adored animals. I lived on a small farm and would sit and listen to how animals communicate, I felt understood with them, I didn’t need words. As I got more articulate, I would read books to the animals. I felt safe and happy.

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[1] (Exodus 4:10, The Message)

[2] (Exodus 4:14-17, The Message)

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